Energy is governed by the law of attraction. We attract people who have similar emotional and vibrational patterns. We also attract people who reflect back to us our fears and weaknesses as well as our strengths and potential. We attract experiences that we need to help us to grow. We even attract physical challenges, including symptoms and diseases, that can teach us about ourselves and encourage us to let go of energy, thoughts, and emotional patterns that result in inauthentic ways of being. In addition, we draw to us all of the resources, both physical and spiritual, that we need to learn about our true nature and heal in the process.
Of all these influences that we’re able to draw to ourselves, our closest relationships hold some of the greatest gifts on the path to deep healing. Because of the law of attraction, we attract people with whom we share common lessons and karma. It is through our relationships that we discover our fears, motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. When we’re challenged in our relationships, the common tendency is to blame the other person—to judge, try to control, and insist that they change. However, the most transformative attitude is to turn our awareness towards ourselves, particularly where we feel resistance in our energy body, as well as questioning the beliefs that are anchoring these energies in our field.
For example, as a person who is interested in health, you may find yourself frustrated by the way others care (or don’t care) for themselves. When you insist that someone you love, such as your child, parent, or partner, take better care of himself, what is actually going on? Is it true that at this particular point in his life—given his past experiences, emotional health, and where he is on his path now—that he should be doing anything different than he currently is? How does it make you feel to hold on to the belief that he should be taking better care of himself? Are you frustrated that he simply keeps doing what he wants to do? If there’s tension and discomfort in your body, it’s there to tell you that you’re fighting with reality. Every person’s body, and how he takes care of it, is his business. Your reaction is your business.
Through my own experiences and during conversations with clients, I’ve been reminded over and over again that when we worry about how others manage their health, we’re actually being invited to take a closer look at how we take care of our own health. As we deepen our commitment to greater health, we must inevitably look at the emotions and fear that affect our body-soul relationship. When the body and soul are both healthy and have a healthy relationship, we naturally make choices that continue to support this positive state. When there’s a disconnect between body and soul, making the necessary repairs and addressing our own health can be hard work. That’s why we choose to avoid our own challenges by focusing on other people’s health instead.
One of the greatest causes of human suffering is the habit of creating idealized versions of the people in our lives. We do this with our children, coworkers, friends, parents, partners, and pretty much everyone who is significant to us. We create these fantasies to protect ourselves from our “pain body.” This term was coined by author Eckhart Tolle to describe the conditioned self, including its false beliefs and painful emotions. For example, the daughter who believes her father should be less critical hides her own fear and lack of self-worth. The parent who thinks his children should apply themselves to their schoolwork hides his feelings of inadequacy. The woman who believes her partner should be more loving avoids looking at her own self-hatred. And the man who feels his boss should be less demanding avoids his own feelings of insecurity. The truth is that we want people to change not for themselves but for our comfort. It’s essential to see that when we’ve created false ideals of the people in our lives and they don’t measure up, and they never will, we suffer. This is why it’s so important to question painful beliefs. Only by questioning false beliefs can we let go of them and fall in love with reality. And by falling in love with reality, we lay the foundation for creating peace in our lives.
I’ve discovered that the more at peace I am with my life, the less I’m inclined to try to control and change the people in it. Instead, I experience a gentle but empowering way of being that trusts in the wisdom of each person’s journey. I suspect that this is what Mahatma Gandhi meant when he urged us to be the change that we want to see in the world.
I’ve also discovered that when we’re in touch with our energy body, see the world as it truly is, and are at peace with ourselves, we’re better at helping others who are suffering. For example, if my friend has cancer, when I sit with her, I can open myself to feeling all of the energies that we share between us, including the fear, frustration, joy, love, and sadness. If I’m not able to be in her physical presence, I can bring her into my mind during my meditation practice and feel how my body responds. I can then create space by giving everything that I feel the right to exist. My friend will receive the benefits of my meditation even if she lives one hundred miles away because energy is not governed by time or space. In addition, when I visit her next, I’ll be more present because I won’t be struggling with uncomfortable emotions.
Energy awareness is a tool we can use twenty-four hours a day. When combined with meditation, it can be the most powerful part of a deep-healing practice. This is true for several reasons.
- First, we become adept at recognizing energy at work all around us, and we can harness this energy to boost our own vitality.
- Second, we remove harmful tendencies from our shadow side and integrate them into our light side, which is essential for healing.
- Third, we create the foundation for peaceful relationships that promote mutual growth.
- Fourth, we help others heal by being present to emotions that they don’t yet have the capacity to work through.
- And finally, we help to clear collective energy patterns by meditating on marginalized aspects of our culture or history, thereby preserving the lessons they hold for us. For example, I’m quite interested in clearing our collective fear of disease. Others have focused on clearing energies around environmental devastation or energies remaining from wars or ethnic cleansing.
(from the book Deep Healing by Caroline Marie Dupont)